Hard Times

I think that right now, this point in my life is the worst of the worst.

- My dreams were shattered after I found out that I couldn't get into the School of Music at UW. (I'm still picking up those pieces.)
- Financial Crisis 2008
- I find out my parents can't sell the house because of said financial crisis.
- My job, although I'm thankful for, is not paying enough.
- My apartment managers screw up with my rent, ending up routing the check somewhere else. They say to take off $10 when for me, it costs $15. On top of that, I ended up stopping payment three times by accident because I didn't know what I was doing, ending up charging myself $45.
- I got swindled out of my projector, which I should've received at least $300, but I ended up with anger.
- My computer parts keep breaking down on me.
- I can't find a second job.
- I can't fly home or take a Greyhound because of inclement weather and no money.
- I don't hang out with anyone because my life is just as busy as theirs (which is the excuse I'll be using from hereon in).
- My mom doesn't want to find a job, simply relies on prayer.
- My dad is about to lose his job.
- My sister needs to get into a college.
- I have to sell my possessions to pay for my new things and just to get by.
- I would love to go out with my friends, but I end up staying home because I can't afford to go.

Above all, what I can't understand is why everyone else is doing much better off than I am. Why am I the one that's suffering? Why do I feel like I am a scapegoat for everyone's problems and hurts?

I feel like the position that I'm in is affecting how my relationships turn out. I can't seem to find a single person who can honestly, fully understand my situation, which in turn makes me feel isolated, alienated. No one understands, so no one can really help. I am getting nowhere, while everyone else is moving forward. If anything, I'm receding, falling backwards with no safety net.

My friend said that this is the time when my faith will be tested. I can honestly say that my faith is hanging on its last threads, but I'm hoping those threads are made of steel.